Sunday, February 14, 2010

NEVER BE SHY TO SAY YOUR LOVE THAT YOU LOVE

10th Grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so-called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair. I wished she were mine, but she didn't notice me like that.

And I knew it. After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before, and I handed them to her.

She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.

11th Grade

The phone rang. It was her on the other end. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks," and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.

12th Grade

The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick," she said. He's not going to go. Well, I didn't have a date and in 7th grade we made a promise that if neither of us had dates we would go together just as "best friends," so we did.

Prom Night

After everything was over I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her. She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said, "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Graduation Day

A day passed. A week passed. A month passed. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and she cried as I hugged her. Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "You're my best friend, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why?

A Few Years Later

Now, I sit in the pews of the church. She is getting married, now. I watched her say, "I Do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, "You came!" She said, "Thanks!" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Funeral

Years passed, and I looked down at the coffin of the girl who used to be my best friend. At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "I stare at him wishing he were mine. But he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him. I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love him, but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me?"

I wish I did too? I thought to myself, and I cried...

How to Love Someone

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this:

"You see this water carefully contained on my hand?" It symbolizes Love.

"This was how I saw it. As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds."

This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you.

For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.

  • Give and don't expect.
  • Advise, but don't order.
  • Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."

Passing thought: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away.....

Life is beautiful, Live it !!!

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you (without you having to plead and beg), its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

Review: My Name is Khan (2010)

This is possibly that rare time, it appears, that the lead actor of this film has pushed himself to perform a role, rather than just play himself (Swades and Chak De India come to mind as distant second and third exceptions).
It doesn’t speak too well for a career of about 60 films over nearly two decades. Habit formations are strong. It’s hard to perceive Shah Rukh Khan as a character. More losses of inhibition such as this could find this leading man a softer spot in Hindi cinema history. Until now, he’s likely to be recalled as a unique super-star, not an actor – a combination of the two being reserved for Amitabh Bachchan, and thereafter Aamir Khan alone.
Shah Rukh plays Khan in this film by that name. For many portions though, you aren’t certain the director’s name is Karan Johar (Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Gham).
The ambition of the screenplay itself (Shibani Bhatija) is compelling enough to elicit that compliment.
The film of course crushes the most popular post-9/11 prejudices of our times. The case isn’t new. Which is that while most global terrorists may be Muslims - all Muslims aren’t terrorists. And that no religion, including Islam, preaches violence against the innocent.
The hero Rizwan, a devoted believer, quotes the Prophet from the Koran, “With the loss of one innocent life, dies humanity alongside.” He sees worldwide consequences of September 11, 2001, under that same light. This gentleman grew up as a kid around an inexplicably dated, 1983 riots in Bombay (unless I read the year wrong). He moved to be with his brother in the US, after his mother’s death. He also grew up with a mental challenge, Asperger’s syndrome. Few know this condition well. It’s hard to tell whether Shah Rukh’s manners match the mental disorder, or is even consistent, if at all. Rizwan appears to have a problem dealing with crowded spaces, loud colours, intimate hugs, expressing emotions, or voluntarily reacting to common external stimuli. His cognitive skills though – grasp of factual knowledge -- seem much superior to normal humans. By the looks of it, he isn’t quite the sociable candidate for a door-to-door salesman’s job. But that’s what his brother offers him, to sell a beauty product, at salons. This is how he meets his girl, a Hindu widow with a child (Kajol – excitably 'Goldie Hawn', in her grin and floppiness). They live together as family. Her li’l son becomes the step-dad’s best pal. Their love for soccer and Manchester United may be odd for America. They still play the fool together. Until 9/11, which changes their lives as it did for many.
Forrest Gump in its scope, Rain Man in its approach, slightly convenient in its ‘Bollywood opera’, world-class in its photographic treatment (Ravi K Chandran), more sorted than Kurban (from the same producer, along a similar theme); you can sense, throughout, honesty in the film’s purpose.
There is least empathy for a problem you haven’t faced yourself. This film expresses that well. Being looked down as Muslim is at some level a global reality. Prejudices are part of human DNA, Americans being no exceptions.
If anything, the lunatic mainstream in urban India – Shiv Sena and its sorts -- is more generous in its bigotry. They took on the secular Muslim superstar before this film’s release. They’ve taken on before, South Indians, then North Indians, even one of their supposed own, if the surname’s Tendulkar. We know the villains in this movie. They could be outside its theatre. They make My Name Is Khan even more important for its subject’s worth.
The posters have been announcing this film’s arrival as a moment that’ll change the way the world thinks. Unlikely. A commercially successful, massively scaled mainstream film that doesn’t just make a song and dance of it all could certainly change Bollywood forever. Of all, I’m glad Johar also made that move. Sure, this movie’s a risk. Shouldn’t each be anyway?

21st Century Women in Corporate World

When I started working on women's history about thirty years ago, the field did not exist. People didn't think that women had a history worth knowing.
—Gerda Lerner, Women and History (1986; 1993)
The role of women worldwide is undergoing a dramatic change. Women today share the podium with men in almost all fields, be it kitchen or in defense. Working women are no longer a rarity and are now accepted as an integral part of the working force. Indian organization has experienced a steady increase in the number of women employees and this pattern is bound to continue in the future as well. Women recently began to join the ranks of managers in large numbers. But women at the top management positions are still a rare species. Globally, they comprise only 10 percent of senior managers in Fortune 500 companies, less than 4% are in the uppermost ranks of CEO, president, executive vice-president and COO and less than 3% of them are top corporate earners. In India too, it is no different. May be the situation is worse.

Though statistics elude, if we look around, we will not find even a handful of companies headed by women or women at the helm of strategic departments. Major road blocks for women who aspire to achieve and succeed in organizations are the presence of social and role of constraints imposed upon them by society, the family and women themselves. These constraints are referred as myths fostered and sustained with preconceived ideas and unsupported evidence, which generate guilt in women.

Myths applied to women in business:

* Women switch jobs more frequently than men.
* Women would not work if economic reasons did not force them into the labor market.
* Women fall apart in a crisis.
* Women are too concerned with the social aspects of their jobs and cannot be trusted with important matters.
* Women are more concerned than men about working conditions.
* Women are not willing to travel extensively for the organization.
* Women put their heart above their head, so at time they become over emotional.

Although the number of women in the workforce has increased and will continue to increase in the fields of governmental service and education, the advancement of women into management has not kept pace with increase of working women. The reasons are:

* Society has its own stereotypes & biases against women in executive positions. Women are viewed as fragile & lacking in the qualities that are considered beneficial to be effective managers. Traditional masculine traits have higher perceived value than feminine traits in management world.
* The position which the individual hold within the organization shapes the traits and the behavior they develop or posses. Women often secure positions that have titles with little real power or supervisory authority.
* Mentoring plays an important role in the advancement of women into management positions. However, mentoring is often limited for women, which in turn results in a lack of access and training that aids in advancement within the organization.
* Women managers had to face the glass ceiling. Majority of women because of glass ceiling are unable to advance their career.
* To complicate matter worse, women often have to deal with the complexities of the dual role as working women and mother. Women stereotypically take away from the time, which the women can spend on the job subsequently, which slow down their careers. Women managers with children are often looked on less favorable than those without children and they are viewed as being less committed.
* Lastly, women managers also have their own inner battles, which need to be fought and overcome. Women need to develop the confidence and appropriate skills and attitudes which are needed to succeed in business. Women manager needs to establish their career goals and acquire determination to overcome the obstacles that exist to keep women from accomplishing their goals.

Nevertheless, women who are at the top are determined to stay there and more are aspiring to reach there, glass ceiling or no glass ceiling. The term glass ceiling refers to situations where the advancement of a person within the hierarchy of an organization is limited. This limitation is normally based upon some form of discrimination, most commonly being gender and race. This situation is referred to as a "ceiling" as there is a limitation blocking upward advancement, and "glass" (transparent) because the limitation is not immediately apparent and is normally an unwritten and unofficial policy. The "glass ceiling" is distinguished from formal barriers to advancement, such as education or experience requirements. The term is often credited as having been originally coined by Carol Hymowitz and Timothy Schellhardt in the March 24, 1986 edition of the Wall Street Journal. However, the term was used prior to that; for instance, it was utilized in a March 1984 Adweek article by Gay Bryant.



In large organizations where women have managed to reach high – level managerial positions, they are often resitricted to areas less central or strategic to the organization, such as human resources & administration. It is still very difficult for women to move laterally into strategic areas such as product development or finance, and then upwards through the central pathways to key executive positions in the pyramidal structures that is characteristic of large organizations. Sometimes these barriers are called "Glass Walls".

Apart from Glass Ceiling there is another term known as Glass Elevator (or glass escalator). This means the rapid promotion of men over women, especially into management, in female-dominated fields such as nursing.

However, in order to overcome such insumountable obstacle, women need to seek support. Success today requires organizations to best utilize the talent available to them irrespective of the gender. To do these, barriers to upward mobility for women needs to be removed. Organizations need to redefine & restructure the organization systems to respond to the dillemas faced faced by women managers. Organization has recognized that female executives offer a wealth of talent. Often women become 'super women' to respond to being equal.

The striking part of women managers is that they are very good at juggling around tasks. One of the strongest skills is their ability at multi-tasking. Also women managers bring with them a different style & different skills. Research also confirms that women managers see things laterally, intuitively and differently. They can handle more contradictions, can tolerate more and deliver much more than men.

The belief that women managers are uncertain of them, look for constant reassurance and tend to be aggressive are stereotyped responses which feed and multiply on themselves. The reality is that women in general and women managers in particular have a different value system, which they bring to the organization.

Management studies on the gender initiatives taken by the corporate world show that companies have followed three approaches: there are some companies that like their women employees to be a part of the 'boys', adopt masculine styles of functioning, play golf, take on tough assignments in factories or overseas and be assertive leaders just like the men.

Other companies recognise that women do the same work but they have different needs that require be addressing and accommodating at the workplace. Hence, they offer their women employees not only the statutory maternity leave, but other conveniences as well. So, inbuilt in their system are flexible working hours, working from home, allowing women transfers easily (when the husbands move) or even being amenable to women choosing alternate career tracks within the organisation itself.

The third set of companies goes the whole hog. They not only accommodate women employees, but recognise that women bring with them a difference in approach and attitude to the workplace. Hence, they also palce them appropriately, so that their skills and interactive style of leadership brings gains to the organization.

However, management studies on gender equity also recoognise that all the three approaches have their limitations. That being part of the boys' golf game or making use of flexi hours or even being praised for bringing in the 'feminine' approach to running an organisation do not change the essential gender inequity inherent in the system.that would require a larger social change and more so, a drastic shift in perspective.

Therefore women in corporate India are aware of the constraints they work under and obviously try to make the best of the bargain. They typically bear a disproportionate amount of responsibility for home and family and thus have more demands on their time outside the office. And when they do reach the managerial level, they bring with them both silver lining and dark clouds. But they flower, if they are allowed to flower, despite all the obstacles, which are mainly societal and perceptual.